In the past 24 hours...

I've managed to:

1) Mistakenly transfer $2000 to a basically dead credit card instead of my savings account.

One full roll is probably $2000.

2) Replace regular saline contact solution with hydrogen peroxide solution (because was out of the former) thinking that it was okay if I didn't use the instructed case. Upon putting the contacts in my eyes this morning, I thought I was fucking going blind, and that someone had put acid in my contact lens as some form of sick revenge.

Wikipedia says,
"Hydrogen peroxide solution - Used for disinfecting the lenses, and available as 'two-step' or 'one-step' systems. If using a 'two-step' product, one must ensure that the lens taken out of the hydrogen peroxide is neutralized before it is worn, or else wear will be extremely painful (FUCK YES IT IS). Saline must be used to rinse away the peroxide. If you get this solution in your eyes, it is highly recommended that you go to the Emergency Room and get your eye(s) irrigated."

Yeah. This shit in your eyes? Not ideal.

3) Overlook a splinter in my big toe for over 24 hours, realize it in the morning right before work and thus miss my morning shuttle in an effort to extract it. I got the splinter from frolicking all day on a ranch and looking at animal corpses, so It's cool.

No splinters. Just a dead ass shark.

4) Wear my dress backwards for half the day at work until I figured it out at lunch.

My dress? Backwards? YOU DON'T SAY.

Monday. Monday, indeed.